Winter 2023: Resources We Love
As the holiday season marches us toward the new year, we understand this time of year can be filled with both excitement and challenges. Amidst the twinkling lights and joy-filled moments, there often lies an undercurrent of stress, loneliness, and the weight of expectations. We understand the delicate balance between the excitement of the holidays and the complex emotions that can surface during this time.
We've curated a selection of resources that feel particularly relevant and inspiring during this busy time of year. Whether you're looking for pathways to calmness, tools for self-reflection, strategies for managing stress, or ways to embrace both solitude and connection, we hope you'll find these tools as valuable as we have! And, of course, whether you're fully embracing the bustling cheer or the holidays or searching for a few moments of contemplation and healing, we're here for you. You're always welcome at the Center.
Happy holidays!
Stephanie Brown
In the midst of these busy times, I often find it difficult to carve out time to recharge. When my clients feel like they just don't have enough time, I encourage them to start small. For me, starting small includes a short meditation or a quick tap in The Tapping Solution App. These quick taps are only about 2 minutes long and although they’re short, they still give me just a bit more calm — and they’re definitely a better alternative than doing nothing at all.
'Tis the season for gatherings — and what's helping me navigate my own planning for gatherings, as well as gatherings I attend, is Priya Parker's brilliant book, The Art of Gathering. It's inspiring me to be more thoughtful about how I gather with others and why. I definitely recommend it if you're looking to not only find meaning in how you gather, but also how you can conserve your time and energy.
As I'm closing out this year and looking toward the new year, I'm searching for inspiration. I looked no further than my own bookshelf and decided to pull off Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic to help spark my inspiration and creativity. I'm finding that it's helping me calm my inner critic, be more courageous, and remind me of the liberation that comes with creativity and expression. I like to share with my client the words of Dr. Edith Eger, who said, “The opposite of depression is expression." Finding ways to express oneself can be a powerful tool in our healing and perhaps something to put intention on as we enter the new year.
Aryn Davis
The winter season can feel overwhelmingly busy! During a time when our bodies should be yielding to the rhythm of rest, our culture creates the conditions for the opposite: more events to squeeze into our already-busy-schedules, more things to prepare, more trips to the store, more deadlines to meet… more, more, more, more!
In this season, one thing that has been nourishing has been the Practice of Surrendering. I use InsightTimer, an incredible free meditation app, to guide 20 minutes of silence each morning in which I surrender to stillness. Before I open my email or even open my mouth to speak to anyone, I allow myself this brief period of silence and surrendering. I surrender all of the anticipated burdens of the day. In these moments, I "lay" them down. I surrender the urges for control, I surrender worry and doubt, and I surrender circumstances that I cannot change — basically everything except being in the present moment. I start this time by listening to a guided meditation, or I read a short passage, and then I start the app timer for 20 minutes.
One great meditation that I find myself going back to over and over again on Insight Timer is Sara Blondin’s Learning to Surrender. Another great resource for guiding the Practice of Surrendering is Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have. He shares short passages for each day of the year that pair well with this intentional time of silence.
During this busy season, give yourself the gift of practicing surrender. In the words of Blondin:
"If we continuously release our need for controlling the flow and stop ourselves from worrying about rocks we may hit, we allow divine grace to enter our lives. The more we trust the journey itself, the more fluid and joyful life becomes."
Elizabeth Ebaugh
As I prepare to teach the Super Vision series of workshops to the staff at the Center, I am realizing how much I tune into the subtle body of my clients as I partner with them to create a healing environment, body, mind and spirit. I highly recommend Cyndi Dale's books on The Subtle Body as a resource and primer for all healers, including psychotherapists.
Liz Hagerman
I would say my two big resources for this season are:
Being in touch with nature.
Dancing whenever possible.
We know from research and experience that being in nature is calming, grounding, and restorative. The smells, sounds, and feel of the air on our skin all nourish our senses. I’m a big believer in tree hugging to combat anxiety, overwhelmed feelings, and excessive screen use.
Dance is another powerful healer that has been used by humans at least since 8000 BCE. (There are ancient cave paintings of what appear to be religious dance found in India!) Dance builds community, is emotionally healing and integrating, and can open up the flow of creativity and play, which also helps with clear thinking! You may say, "I don't have time to dance." However, I’m a big advocate of dancing in the margins of your day — like while cooking and cleaning. Even 10 minutes of dancing freestyle to favorite music can decrease tension and increase energy and a sense of lightness!
This past week, a short article in The New York Times titled, Why Don't We Dance More? shared a few ideas for when and why you should incorporate dance into your day. Here's an excerpt:
"If you start looking for opportunities to dance, you find them. While cooking dinner or cleaning the house. Instead of running in place at the crosswalk during a jog. Perhaps a spontaneous living-room disco with your kids. It’s sort of miraculous: Each little break offers a little dose of endorphins. A little moment of expression. Of returning to yourself in the midst of an otherwise chaotic life."
Happy winter dancing and tree hugging!
Kate Kelly
My recommendation is the book Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy.
I loved this book! Dr. Becky weaves key guiding principles long familiar to child, adolescent, and family therapists in clear and accessible ways: the value of connection and relationship, looking beyond dysregulated behavior to its underlying meaning, and the fact we’re all — parents/caregivers, kids, and teens — good inside.
Parents and caregivers can absorb Dr. Becky’s hopeful message, and at the same time implement clear and actionable steps — complete with some helpful scripts — to better navigate our relationships with ourselves (and our kids and teens) with skill, self-compassion, and heart.
The journey to emotional regulation for kids and adults can be a long and sometimes complicated one, depending on the child or teen, parents/caregivers, and the dynamics of the family system. Here Dr. Becky offers a healthy and concise dose of brain science to help us see the “big picture” in kids’ developing brains, while also helping adults stay clear on our goals for “connection first” with our kids. As leaders of the family, we adults can learn to turn inward, validate our own feelings, navigate our own reactivity, and respond to our kids in more regulated and relational ways — without feeling we’re somehow “giving in” or being easy with difficult or “bad” behaviors.
And, perhaps not surprisingly, when we can be calm and compassionate with ourselves (“I’m a good parent having a hard time”) we can better focus on keeping the connection (“You’re a good kid having a hard time”) and help kids and teens grow more capacity for emotional regulation.
While this book is written for parents and caregivers, it can work with our adult relationships as well. When we approach a difficult moment with what Dr. Becky calls an M.G.I. — “Most Generous Interpretation” — we take a turn with curiosity about others’ internal experience (including thoughts, feelings, sensations, urges, etc.…) rather than with an exclusive focus on the external behavior. It’s a practice, and knowing that we are all Good Inside is the foundation for all emotional regulation and healthy coping skills.
Liz Liptak
I’ve been a big believer in the practice of gratitude since being trained in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). As I learned in the course, the architecture of our primitive brain predisposes us to search for danger in our environment in order to survive, something called the “negativity bias.” In modern times, this plays out as negative, cup half-empty, thinking. The intentional practice of gratitude, creating a positive thought, counteracts this natural tendency of our brain.
The mental and physical health benefits of practicing gratitude have been well-studied by neuroscientists and the field of positive psychology, among others. They include reducing symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress, and improving self-esteem and sleep.
There are many ways to practice gratitude. My intention is to reflect on 10 things for which I’m grateful every morning as part of my mindfulness practice. These can be simple things, such as a cup of tea or a favorite flower in bloom. In addition to naming the object, it helps to reflect on why you’re thankful for it. (“I’m grateful for my dog because he teaches me how to play.”)
Another gratitude practice is to write a note or letter to someone for whom you are grateful. Recently, I came across this heart-warming story: I Sent a Letter of Appreciation to Someone Every Day for a Year. Here’s What It Taught Me About the Power of Kindness. Writer and wellness coach Tracey Willis Gates shares her story about starting this practice to honor her late father. It has inspired me to write notes of gratitude to people in my life this holiday season.
Amy Murphy
I just finished watching the AppleTV+ adaptation of the novel Lessons In Chemistry: A Novel by Bonnie Garmus. Not having read the novel, I began watching “Lessons in Chemistry” with no real expectations. Eight episodes later, I’m feeling deeply moved and inspired. (Don't worry, no spoilers here!)
The story explores values that deeply resonate with me — such as equality across gender and race — through scenes both horrifying and amusing. It weaves together themes of love, loss, trauma, joy, and family and ultimately offers the parting message that I find so inspirational: The only constant in life is change...our task is to get comfortable with change, to be present in each day, to meet people where they are, and be true to ourselves.
I found this show to be a good reminder as we head into what can be a hectic and unpredictable time of year; a way to maintain our own balance. These ideas really mirror what we strive to do at The Center for Family Well-Being each day, for our clients and for ourselves.
I wish you and your family an inspiring holiday season!
Lisa Oakley
I've been finding joy and enrichment in the podcast "Everything Happens" hosted by Kate Bowler. She’s a Duke Divinity School professor who was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer at age 35. She has survived — and thrived — and now hosts a health and fitness podcast which includes interviews with a range of wise, funny, and insightful people.
Some recent episodes that particularly stand out include her recent interview with author Lisa D'Amour, who has written several books about raising teens, and an episode with Margaret Renkl, an author who writes about her connections with nature. Enjoy!