Fall 2021 In the Spotlight: Liz Hagerman
Support from the Start with Liz Hagerman, LGPC, BC-DMT
The Center for Family Well-Being was founded with the purpose of serving individuals at every point along the lifespan, with a focus towards giving children and their parents robust, holistic, and highly attuned care. But it was only recently that the Center expanded to be able to meet the needs of every child, when we welcomed Liz Hagerman into our fold. In addition to working with older children,Liz is specially trained to work with children from birth to 3, children whose behavior is their communication-- with this highly sensitive perspective, and with her expertise as a dance and movement therapist, Liz observes and validates the nuanced behaviors of all of her clients, from the youngest to the eldest, and helps them find healing and an embodied sense of self. Meet Liz:
Q: Tell us a little more about what it means to work with the birth-to-three age group.
Working with birth-to-three is a phenomenal opportunity, and I really look at it as an almost sacred experience. To work with a family in the beginning of a little person’s life, and to be able to help give support and help the parents be able to really see who this new person is-- it’s very special. I have a lot of experience in early childhood development, and I can always share that knowledge of milestones with families, but the goal in working with a young family, with a baby or toddler, really up to 5, is to help the parents with their own ability to pay attention to the details of what the child is telling them so they can really get to know who this person is. Even if you have multiple children, each parenting journey is different because you have a different person each time. Infants are communicating right from the start, and they need to be respected as individuals right from the start.
Q: It can be hard to reach out for help at any age and stage, but perhaps especially so when children are so young, and so much is yet to unfold and develop. How might a family know if their young child could benefit from your care?
People typically come to me because of a crisis. Their baby won't eat, won’t sleep, they have prolonged tantrums, or have been kicked out of preschool for kicking, biting, hitting...and perhaps a parent feels like they feel like they’ve tried everything. Usually they’re at the end of their rope. It often takes a crisis, and that’s OK. I want families to know that it’s OK for kids to have these crises, because a crisis is often a prelude to a developmental leap. Sometimes kids will get stuck in the crisis and they need help getting to the leap.
But there may be a time before that when parents can know, and early intervention is never a bad thing. If a parent is feeling like they’re just not “getting” this baby or this young child; they're just not connecting, then that may be a reason to seek support. We know one stressed out nervous system stresses out another nervous system, and this is true amongst parents and children. And it’s important to note that often work with the little ones is short term, so that can be helpful when making the decision of whether or not to pursue support.
Q: What might a session look like for this age group?
For children under five, I work with the parents, one or both there, and it’s play-based. And I work with the parent using what’s called the “watch, wait, and wonder” approach, where the parent is invited to be present, be curious and take in the play observed in the session. We then talk about what they noticed, what the child might be trying to tell us. . In this way we work on developing a parents’ parenting intuition. I do sometimes give direct advice and feedback, but I really want parents to find out what it is that this child needs in the moment, from them as parents. As we know, our own histories get activated when we have young ones. So sometimes what will happen in a session is a parent might find their own anxiety, or their own knee-jerk reaction-- a pattern of behavior that emerges from their own upbringing, perhaps. I don't do therapy with the parent, but I can help them notice when and if that might be useful to them. Often just the process of being in our sessions can help parents observe their role in the dynamic with their child, and perhaps they notice things they want to shift in themselves. They can be with it, and learn to set it aside, or to untangle it from their relationship with their own child.
And sessions are fun! Unless an older child, starting at 5 or 6 year old starts talking about worries or fears, I don’t bring that up-- it gets played out in the session. Young ones digest their world through play, so often the session can be really fun and if there is a worry or sadness or anger, or a reaction to something they've encountered in life, they work it out in play. I don’t interfere with the play. I provide the holding environment, and I contain it so it doesn’t wreak havoc on their insides. I always look for the positive developmental impulse, and I believe that the trajectory of development wants to go in a positive and healthy direction of wellbeing and positive growth. So that’s what I focus on, and not the primitive anxieties, because they can actually work through that in the play. I hold the idea that we’re getting through this so we can free up the positive trajectory. All behavior is communication.
Q: Does your expertise with infants and toddlers translate to the work you do all along the lifespan?
Inside of all of us, the inner kernel is our infancy, and it radiates out from there. We’re like a tree with rings, and sometimes that core can have pre-verbal anxieties and reactions, that don't necessarily come from trauma, but come from typical infancy, and they can get activated and give us anxiety that comes up that doesn't match the situation at hand. Sometimes we start a new job, and feel a sense of anxiety, or a feeling that we cannot do it, “we cannot survive,” and so I always hold in mind that inner activation when working across the lifespan. The basic thing is development always goes forward. It doesn't actually get stuck, but it might go forward in a little bit of a difficult way-- like a tree that has to grow around an obstacle, or a tree that has been buffeted by the wind. I can see where the tree might have turned. And I don’t need to straighten out the tree, but to understand and release a blocked place. We do not stop growing, and my knowledge of child development helps me understand where some accommodations might have been made. And further, if those accommodations are helping, or not helping, and a new and more adaptive coping mechanism could be useful.
Q: You are a dance and movement therapist; does this mean that all clients will dance in session?
Most often, no! We’re trained in observation and movement analysis. So what I do is I take in the child’s movement, the way they hold themselves, and I don't often make prescriptive interventions. But I can see in their movement when things are shifting, and I can also see with an infant, if there is a glitch in their developmental movement sequence. I don't adjust the children, I help the parents adjust the environment. So for example this could be helping parents identify if surfaces are too soft for their infant who is attempting to roll over and is struggling, or something like that.
I also use techniques like mirroring and matching to help build the therapeutic alliance. It's really important to respect the body and self initiated, free movement of the child. I help them with corregulation, and I’m always using my skills of presence, observation, and kinesthetic empathy to help hold and contain a child’s process in session. And my goal for my parents is for them to gain their own ability to see their child, this person, and to connect with them in their own way. I do give recommendations, but the work is going to be more transformative if the “ah ha” comes from the parents. The session is the created space to have this moment, this opportunity.
Q: Our current moment is so fraught with uncertainty; this is challenging for everyone, especially when some of the most repeated advice for young children is to help them establish routines and consistency. What do you suggest to families struggling with this challenge?
I am one of the drum beaters! And I have so much compassion for parents and children in the pandemic. Our jigsaw puzzle was thrown up in the air and we have to put it back together again. And I do think it’s important to strive for a regular rhythm of home-life to increase a sense of security through predictability. It's overwhelming to think you have to hatch a fully formed complete day of regulated times! Start with just one “corner” of the day. Like, only focus on getting regularity and predictability into, say, "wake up" time. Some regularity is better than none! You can spread out from there, or just let that be your anchor of the day where things feel grounded, reliable, predictable.
And also, from the very beginning of the pandemic, the message that came to me from my inner self is: nature, nature, nature. Mother nature is a very good mother. Just taking a crying baby outside can calm them, and the parent. In the absence of distinct or predictable routines, take the time to connect with nature, and you’ll connect with your child.
Q: Connection with nature is a throughline throughout your work. Can you share a little about the connection between nature and healing?
I grew up in Montana, and I grew up with a very strong connection to nature. I spent a lot of time outside as a child. So to me, I see a lot of families that have lost that connection, or the connection has become so domesticated-- going to a park that's landscaped is not the same as wild spaces. But even that is better than nothing-- just getting outside is vital practice. One very important thing, especially with younger children, is that their sensory system is wide open and they really take things in-- and maybe we've shifted away from this too far. There has been research that suggests that children need more stimulation, but in fact children who have their basic needs met, already have enough. I believe we may have misinterpreted stimulation in recent years; we want to nourish, not stimulate. Nature nourishes the senses, and it nourishes our inner sense of wellbeing. Time in nature also mitigates the negative effects of screen time. I support any and every family in increasing their time in nature.
Q: At the Center for Family Well-Being, we're all committed to mind-body practices that help us remain grounded, especially in chaotic times such as these. Can you share a little bit about your practice?
I like to start the day with a mindful “preview” of the day, then a combination of movement and sitting meditation. Right now I'm working with meditations that increase concentration as I find the pandemic and increased use of screens has affected my concentration! The movement I do is a short organic sequence I composed for myself based on many modalities: Laban Bartenieff Movement Studies, Sensory Awareness, Yoga, Eurythmy and Authentic Movement. Keeping flexible, playful and full of life in mind, body and spirit is my goal :)
Thank you, Liz. We’re so glad to introduce you and your work to our community.